Positive Parenting for Military Families

Positive Parenting for Military Families: 5 Strategies for Success


One of the most rewarding journeys in life is parenting, a process full of love, connection, and growth. It’s also a challenging journey that requires unique coping strategies and resilience. When coupled with the lifestyle of a military family, these challenges often multiply, introducing additional complexities that demand a broader set of skills and strategies.

Positive Parenting for Military FamiliesDespite the added hurdles, military families also have an impressive capacity for strength and adaptability. By employing positive parenting techniques, these families can foster nurturing environments that bolster their children’s growth and resilience despite unique circumstances. This guide offers a roadmap to effective positive parenting strategies for military families.

Understanding the Unique Challenges

Positive Parenting for Military FamiliesIt’s vital to recognize the unique challenges that military families often face. Frequent relocations can disrupt children’s lives, making it harder to establish lasting friendships, excel in school, and feel a sense of stability. Parental absence due to deployments or training periods can also stir feelings of anxiety, loss, and confusion among children. Moreover, the ever-present stress associated with the risks of military service can impact the overall family dynamic.

Each of these experiences can affect children differently, depending on their age, personality, and available support systems. Understanding these challenges is the first step towards addressing them effectively through positive parenting techniques.

Positive Parenting for Military Families: 5 Strategies for Success

  • Open Communication: Communication is at the heart of positive parenting. It is the foundation for emotional security, allowing children to express their feelings, ask questions, and better comprehend their unique circumstances. Encourage open, honest, and age-appropriate discussions about the facets of military life. Whether it’s about the reason for relocations or the nature of parental deployments, providing clear explanations can equip children with a sense of control and reduce their anxiety.
  • Consistent Routines: Despite the inevitable changes that characterize military life, maintaining consistent routines can act as an anchor for children. Consistency in daily rituals – from meal times to bedtime routines and after-school activities – offers predictability. This familiarity can help children navigate the transitions and adjustments more easily, creating a sense of normalcy and security even amidst the change.
  • Emotional Regulation: Positive parenting includes modeling emotional regulation for children. Parents are their children’s first teachers, and how they manage stress, express emotions, and recover from setbacks sets a model for their kids. Demonstrating healthy emotional regulation teaches children that it’s okay to experience a range of emotions and offers them coping strategies for their emotional challenges.
  • Active Involvement: Despite the demanding schedules and absences military parents often face, active involvement in children’s lives is paramount. This might include attending school functions, spending quality time on shared hobbies, or engaging in meaningful conversations about their day. Research shows that children who feel their parents are interested in their lives display better emotional well-being and perform academically.
  • Resilience Building: Resilience, defined as the ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, or significant sources of stress, is especially crucial for children in military families. Resilient children can cope more effectively with challenges, bouncing back from difficult experiences more easily. Strategies to build resilience include:
      • Encouraging problem-solving.
      • Fostering a positive self-concept.
      • Emphasizing the importance of persistence.

Open Communication: Building a Two-way Street

The Heart of the Matter: With potential periods of separation and the ever-changing dynamics of military life, maintaining an open communication channel with children becomes even more crucial.

Deep Dive:

  • Age-appropriate Honesty: Children need clarity. Whether discussing an upcoming deployment or a move, it’s vital to present information so the child can understand without causing unnecessary stress.
  • Consistent Check-ins: Deployments might create physical distance, but emotional connectivity can be maintained through regular calls, video chats, letters, and even small surprise gifts.
  • Encouraging Emotional Expression: It is pivotal to create an environment where children feel comfortable sharing their deepest fears, joys, and daily happenings. This strengthens the bond and allows parents to address any underlying issues.

Creating a Stable Environment

The Heart of the Matter: Amid the fluidity of military life, providing an oasis of stability at home can be the key to ensuring the child’s emotional well-being.

Deep Dive:

  • Routine Rituals: From morning breakfast routines to bedtime stories, creating regular rituals can offer a comforting predictability.
  • Space Personalization: Every time there’s a move, ensure children have the autonomy to set up and personalize their space. This gives them a sense of ownership and familiarity.
  • Consistent Positive Discipline: It’s not just about discipline but consistency. Children thrive when they know the boundaries and can predict the outcomes of their actions.

Prioritizing Quality Time

The Heart of the Matter: In between service demands, it’s the quality of time spent together, not just the quantity, that leaves a lasting impact on children.

Deep Dive:

  • Activity Engagement: Immersing oneself in the child’s hobbies, whether building a model aeroplane or attending ballet recitals, shows genuine interest and fosters deeper connections.
  • Special Days & Moments: Carving out time for special outings, surprise picnics, or even a simple walk in the park can make children feel treasured.
  • Bridging Physical Gaps with Technology: Technology can be a boon in times of separation. Regular video chats, online games, or sharing digital diaries can help maintain the parent-child bond.

Leverage Community Resources

The Heart of the Matter: The military community has resources to support families. Utilizing these can alleviate many challenges faced by military families.

Deep Dive:

  • Exploring Support Groups: Joining groups where families share experiences can offer invaluable insights, shared coping strategies, and a sense of belonging.
  • Engaging in Base Activities: Military bases are hubs of family-friendly activities. Participating actively can foster community integration and provide entertainment for children.
  • Staying Abreast of Available Resources: From counselling services to family fun days, bases often offer many resources. Regularly checking in with family support centres ensures parents don’t miss out.

Navigating School Transitions

The Heart of the Matter: With frequent relocations, military children often change schools multiple times, making academic consistency and social adaptability crucial.

Deep Dive:

  • Preparation and Research: Before moving, research the new school’s curriculum, activities, and support systems to ensure a smoother transition for your child.
  • Open Dialogue with Educators: Communicate your child’s unique circumstances to teachers and school counsellors so they can provide tailored support.
  • Encourage Extracurricular Involvement: Joining clubs or sports can offer a platform for your child to make new friends and find their niche quickly.

Cultivating a Strong Home Front

The Heart of the Matter: The non-deployed parent or guardian is responsible for maintaining a sense of normalcy at home.

Deep Dive:

  • Self-care: Caregivers at home need to prioritize their well-being. This not only ensures their health but sets a positive example for children.
  • Seeking Support: Leaning on friends, family, or community during challenging times can offer relief and ensure the caregiver isn’t overwhelmed.
  • Maintaining Connection with the Deployed Parent: Creative methods like creating scrapbooks or recording messages can help the child feel connected to the deployed parent.

Addressing Emotional and Mental Health

The Heart of the Matter: Given the unique stressors, ensuring military children’s emotional and mental well-being is paramount.

Deep Dive:

  • Professional Counseling: Utilize available counselling services, especially during significant transitions or after traumatic events.
  • Educate on Emotional Intelligence: Teach children to recognize and express their emotions healthily and constructively.
  • Create Safe Spaces: Ensure that the child always has a safe physical or emotional space where they can retreat when feeling overwhelmed.

Dealing with Deployment and Absences

The Heart of the Matter:
Deployments and long-term absences are some of the most challenging aspects of military life for families. The emotional toll of separation combined with the uncertainties surrounding the service member’s safety can be overwhelming. However, with preparation, open communication, and support systems, families can navigate this challenge more effectively.

Deep Dive:

1. Pre-deployment Discussions:

  • Purpose: Open dialogue can help children understand the reasons for the deployment. While you shouldn’t burden them with specific dangers, explaining the bigger picture can be useful.
  • Frequency: Regularly check in before the deployment, addressing concerns and answering questions. This process can reduce anxiety and misconceptions.
  • Age Appropriateness: Tailor conversations based on the child’s age. Younger children may need simple explanations, while teenagers might benefit from more detailed conversations.

2. Maintaining Connection:

  • Technology: Use platforms like Skype, Zoom, or FaceTime to have face-to-face interactions. Scheduled calls, even if brief, provide something for children to look forward to.
  • Tangible Touchpoints: Letters, postcards, and care packages can serve as physical reminders of the deployed parent. Additionally, children can send drawings, school assignments, or small gifts in return.
  • Recorded Messages: Pre-record bedtime stories, video messages, or notes that children can access when they miss the deployed parent.

3. Creating Rituals:

  • Countdown Calendars: Create visual countdowns to mark the days until the deployed parent returns. This can be a fun activity and provide a sense of progress.
  • Memory Jars: Use jars or boxes where children can store memories or things they wish to share with the deployed parent upon their return.

4. Seeking Support:

  • Military Community: Engage with other military families going through deployments. They can be a source of understanding, comfort, and practical advice.
  • Professional Counseling: Especially if children show signs of severe distress, professional counseling or therapy can offer tailored coping strategies.

5. Educating Teachers and Caregivers:

  • Communication: Inform teachers, coaches, and other caregivers about the deployment. They can provide additional support and understanding during this time.
  • Resources: Many schools and communities offer resources specifically designed for children of deployed service members. Make sure to utilize them.

6. Reintegration After Deployment:

  • Expect Changes: Both the deployed parent and the family at home will have changed in some ways. It’s essential to approach reintegration with patience and understanding.
  • Open Dialogue: Encourage open communication about experiences, feelings, and challenges faced during the separation. This can aid in smoother reintegration.
  • Shared Activities: Engage in activities that promote bonding and connection, helping to reestablish family dynamics.

Local Support Systems and Resources

Having a robust support system is critical for military families. Leveraging local military family support groups, counseling services, and educational resources can significantly mitigate the stress associated with the military lifestyle. Many military installations and communities offer many resources to support military families. These can range from practical help, like childcare and housing assistance, to mental health support.

Precautions and Considerations

The Heart of the Matter: While military families showcase remarkable resilience and adaptability, it’s essential to approach various situations with precaution. Understanding the potential pitfalls can pave the way for a smoother experience for parents and children.

Deep Dive:

  • Information Overload: While it’s vital to maintain open communication, be mindful of the amount and type of information shared with children. They might only need to know some details about deployment or operation, especially if it might cause undue worry.
  • Avoiding Promises: Given the unpredictability of military life, refrain from making promises you might not be able to keep, such as returning on a specific date or attending every school event. Instead, emphasize your commitment and love for them.
  • Monitoring Media Consumption: Children are curious, and with a plethora of information online, they might come across distressing news about military actions. It’s essential to guide their media consumption and be available to address any fears or misconceptions.
  • Staying Neutral on Controversial Issues: While having personal opinions on political matters or military decisions is okay, it’s crucial to remember that children might take things literally. Guide discussions neutrally, emphasizing values like service, commitment, and honour.
  • Preparedness for Emergencies: Military families might be stationed in areas prone to natural disasters or other emergencies. Always have a family emergency plan, ensuring children know what to do in various scenarios.
  • Maintaining Privacy: For the safety of the deployed member and the family, ensure that children understand the importance of not sharing sensitive information, especially on public platforms like social media.
  • Seeking Feedback: Periodically check in with your children about their feelings, fears, and experiences. Their feedback can provide insights into areas that need more attention.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about Positive Parenting for Military Families

Q: How can I help my child cope with my deployment?

A: Open communication is key. Before deployment, spend quality time with your child and discuss why you are absent. Utilize technology to maintain regular contact and consider sharing tangible items like letters or small gifts. Also, engage in pre-deployment rituals that can become meaningful memories for your child.

Q: We relocate frequently. How can we make this easier for our children?

A: Create a consistent relocation routine. Before moving, research the new location together, discussing exciting opportunities. Allow your child to be involved in setting up their new space and encourage them to maintain friendships from previous locations while forming new ones.

Q: My child shows stress and anxiety due to our military life. What should I do?

A: First, ensure open communication, letting them express their feelings. Consider professional counselling or therapy, which can be beneficial. Engage in activities that provide relaxation and bonding. And remember, your military community can be a valuable support resource.

Q: How can I ensure my child is proud of our military background and not resentful?

A: Focus on the positive aspects of military life, like the sense of community, service, and the unique experiences it offers. Attend military events, share inspiring stories, and create family traditions celebrating your military journey.

Q: With our busy schedules, how can we ensure quality family time?

A: Quality often trumps quantity. Carve out dedicated family time, whether a regular weekend outing, game night, or even a shared meal. Engage in activities your child loves and ensure that you’re genuinely present when you’re with them.

Q: Given our locations, how can we prepare our children for potential emergencies?

A: Regularly discuss and practice family emergency plans tailored to potential threats in your area. Ensure your child knows important contacts, evacuation routes, and safety protocols. Familiarity can reduce anxiety during actual emergencies.

Q: What resources are available for military families to support positive parenting?

A: Military bases often have family support centres offering various resources, including counselling, workshops, and group activities. Additionally, there are online communities, books, and courses specifically designed for military families.


Positive Parenting for Military FamiliesParenting in a military family undoubtedly presents a unique set of challenges. However, military parents can overcome these hurdles by implementing strategies such as open communication, consistent routines, emotional regulation, active involvement, and resilience-building. Remember, seeking help when needed is not a sign of weakness; instead, it’s a testament to the strength and resolve of military families.

The parenting journey, while demanding, offers immense rewards and moments of unparalleled joy. Equipped with these positive parenting strategies, military families can provide their children with the love, care, and stability they need to thrive, even amidst the unique challenges that military life presents.

After all, the strength of a military family lies not just in the person wearing the uniform but in the entire family unit standing strong together. As we journey together through the landscape of military parenting, we are not alone. We stand with thousands of other families who share similar experiences, reminding us of the adage – it takes a village to raise a child. In the case of military families, this village is indeed global.

Keep standing strong, believing, and building those bridges of positive parenting. The rewards are worth it. Happy parenting!


  1. General Information Only: The information presented in this article is intended for general informational purposes. It should not be considered professional advice or a definitive guide for all military families.
  2. Individual Circumstances: Military families have unique circumstances, experiences, and needs. The strategies and suggestions provided might only apply or be suitable for some.
  3. Professional Advice: If facing severe challenges or specific concerns related to your child’s well-being, it is recommended to seek professional advice, be it from a counsellor, therapist, or paediatrician.
  4. No Guarantees: While the strategies and advice provided are based on research and best practices, there are no guarantees that implementing them will yield specific results.
  5. External Links: Any external resources or links in the article are for convenience and informational purposes. We do not endorse or assume responsibility for any third-party websites’ content, policies, or practices.
  6. No Liability: The author and the website will not be held responsible for any action taken based on the information provided in the article or any adverse outcomes that arise.
  7. Constantly Evolving: Parenting approaches and research continually evolve. It is advisable to stay updated with the latest practices and adjust strategies as needed.
  8. Privacy Concerns: Families are encouraged to prioritize their safety and privacy, especially when accessing external resources or sharing information on public platforms.

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